Ms. Kelly: Diva Who F*cked Up Edition

Hello my people. Now I know I said I would have Kelly Rowland as my guest blogger on Friday but no. Unfortunately Kelly does not know how to type have access to the Wig Crypt com-pew-tah. So I had to switch it up like the bad bish I am. I decided that the guest blogger spot will be no more! Instead I will be interviewing all my favourite people when I can be bothered. That's right! Frankie is getting her Wendy Williams on! HOLLLAAA!

The Interview

I pull up in my Land Rover Truck, looking, smelling, feeling like a million bucks. But I feel out of place. From my surroundings I know this interview isn't gonna be as normal as I had first expected. But I would rather be here than at the WC.

I drive up to the drive-thru kiosk.

Kelly: Can I take your order please?
Me: Hey Kelly!
Kelly: Oh, Frankie! How you doin?

At this point Kelly looks over her shoulder in fear. I presume this fear is of her manager.

Me: I'm good. How are you?
Kelly: I'm alright. Just a lil bit tired. Working 4 jobs is hard. Mya didn't tell me how stressfull it would be.

Me: Wateva. You ready for your interview?
Kelly: Yes ma'am

This trick got some nerve. I was bout to turn Tyra on her azz but I didn't. Luckily.

Me: Do not cal me ma'am
Kelly: But Mama Tina always sa-
Me: Bish I am not Mama Tina
Kelly: Yes'm *gulp*

Me: So Kelly, your last album, The Declaration didn't do so well in the charts did it? Why do you think that is?
Kelly: MS. KELLY! My album is called Ms Kelly
Me: Ms. Kelly, The Declaration same damn thang. Take what you're given and and answer the damn question
Kelly: Um... It did do well
Me: Tell that to Billboard
Kelly: Billboard doesn't return my calls

(silence)

Me: Are you still making music? I heard you're coming out with a travel documentary
Kelly: I'm not making music at the moment. I've found my calling. I was born to present TV shows that nobody will watch
Me: Oh really?
Kelly: Yes really. I auditioned for 106 and Park but they said no
Me: Why was that?
Kelly: They said I was more suited to Take the Cake. Whatever that is

At this point Kellys manager appears from behind the burger frier. His name tag says Robert K.

Robert: Kelly! Getcho ass back to work! You ain't gettin' paid to tawk to... (he sees me) pretty young thangs such as this girl
Me: Take that shit somewhere else. I got a bottle of mace, a spoon and a spare set of dentures ready to bite yo' dirty black behind!
Robert: You prolly to old for me anyway. Kelly I 'ont wanna have to tell you again
Kelly: I'll get back to work straight away Matt- I mean Robert
Robert: You mean Mr. K. And I'd like you to leave please. Nobody over the age of sixteen apart from Kelly is allowed on the premises.

I wasn't in the mood to get into a fight with that fool so I put the pedal to metal and left.

I need to step my interview game up if I want my own tell-ee-vi-junn show. Wendy I See You

Frankies Blog's Got Talent

As some of y'all may have re-ul-eyesed, this blog is called Fake Frankie And Friends so today I thought to do something about the absence of friends that are guest-blogging on this here web site.

I asked Keyshia.

Me: Keyshia baby, I want you to guest-blog on my site.
Keyshia: Momma no.
Me: Don't tell me no, Keyshia!
Keyshia: I got other responsibi-
Me: Girl, please!! What responsibilities you got? You still chasin' after that Young Jeezy? Don't never bring that man to my house!! I don't want his weed lips drankin from the same cups that I do!! Yaknow what Keyshia, it's whateva. Go do what you do wit' yo' boring ass.

I would have asked Neffie she was nowhere to be found

So I had to think. Who has no responsibilities? Who is willing to work for peanuts? Who is unemployed and desparately seeking acceptance?

Then it hit me like Jay-Z's camel hoof.

Ladies, gentlemen and Lil Mama say hello to my first guest blogger!!

Expect a post from my new guest-blogger within the next week next two years (you know how the Knowles Klan likes to mess with release dates and ish. My Keyshia would never take that shit even if it was from that sexy piece o' chocolate covered strawberry that is Matthew).