Saturday, 23 August 2008

Ms. Kelly: Diva Who F*cked Up Edition

Hello my people. Now I know I said I would have Kelly Rowland as my guest blogger on Friday but no. Unfortunately Kelly does not know how to type have access to the Wig Crypt com-pew-tah. So I had to switch it up like the bad bish I am. I decided that the guest blogger spot will be no more! Instead I will be interviewing all my favourite people when I can be bothered. That's right! Frankie is getting her Wendy Williams on! HOLLLAAA!

The Interview

I pull up in my Land Rover Truck, looking, smelling, feeling like a million bucks. But I feel out of place. From my surroundings I know this interview isn't gonna be as normal as I had first expected. But I would rather be here than at the WC.

I drive up to the drive-thru kiosk.

Kelly: Can I take your order please?
Me: Hey Kelly!
Kelly: Oh, Frankie! How you doin?

At this point Kelly looks over her shoulder in fear. I presume this fear is of her manager.

Me: I'm good. How are you?
Kelly: I'm alright. Just a lil bit tired. Working 4 jobs is hard. Mya didn't tell me how stressfull it would be.
Me: Wateva. You ready for your interview?
Kelly: Yes ma'am

This trick got some nerve. I was bout to turn Tyra on her azz but I didn't. Luckily.

Me: Do not cal me ma'am
Kelly: But Mama Tina always sa-
Me: Bish I am not Mama Tina
Kelly: Yes'm *gulp*

Me: So Kelly, your last album, The Declaration didn't do so well in the charts did it? Why do you think that is?
Kelly: MS. KELLY! My album is called Ms Kelly
Me: Ms. Kelly, The Declaration same damn thang. Take what you're given and and answer the damn question
Kelly: Um... It did do well
Me: Tell that to Billboard
Kelly: Billboard doesn't return my calls


Me: Are you still making music? I heard you're coming out with a travel documentary
Kelly: I'm not making music at the moment. I've found my calling. I was born to present TV shows that nobody will watch
Me: Oh really?
Kelly: Yes really. I auditioned for 106 and Park but they said no
Me: Why was that?
Kelly: They said I was more suited to Take the Cake. Whatever that is

At this point Kellys manager appears from behind the burger frier. His name tag says Robert K.

Robert: Kelly! Getcho ass back to work! You ain't gettin' paid to tawk to... (he sees me) pretty young thangs such as this girl
Me: Take that shit somewhere else. I got a bottle of mace, a spoon and a spare set of dentures ready to bite yo' dirty black behind!
Robert: You prolly to old for me anyway. Kelly I 'ont wanna have to tell you again
Kelly: I'll get back to work straight away Matt- I mean Robert
Robert: You mean Mr. K. And I'd like you to leave please. Nobody over the age of sixteen apart from Kelly is allowed on the premises.

I wasn't in the mood to get into a fight with that fool so I put the pedal to metal and left.

I need to step my interview game up if I want my own tell-ee-vi-junn show. Wendy I See You