Monday, 18 August 2008

Discipline For Dummies

Okay so today I was surfing the interweb and I came across a video over at my hang-out spot Crunk + Disorderly of some chillen doing some stupid shit

Now, I understand teaching yo' kids to dance (you saw Keyshia at the BET Awards right?)

but this just takes the Kentucky Fried Chicken $0.99 biscuit.

10-year-olds dropping it like it's hot? No thank-you. I done seen some shit in my time but this is not on.

So I took it upon myself to write my second book (you can still buy my first book at all respectable street corners and car trunks) called "Discipline for Dummies"

To give you an idea of what this book contains I will post a chapter here exclusively on Frankie And Friends.

Chapter 8: How To Give A Beating That Your Child Will Remember On Their Deathbed

Every now and then your child will do something to piss you off. It could be that they left the door open when leaving for school, they could have eaten the last spicy chicken wing or it could even be that they took it upon themselves to smoke the last pack of weed. When this kind of situation arises you have to ask yourself "What Would Frankie Do".

"And what is the answer to that question?" I hear you ask.

I'd put that child to sleep... with a beat.

That is simply all you have to do. Beat that child. The authorities may call it "Child Abuse" (whateva that is) but I call it "Lessons of Life". You have to teach 'em early or you gon' have them running around stealing yo' shit, thinking they a pimp and whatnot.

So to help you first-time-beaters, here are a few tips and tricks on how to execute the perfect beating.

1. If you can break the instrument you choose to discipline your child with, that means it's not hard enough and WILL NOT HURT so therefore it will NOT BE BENEFICIAL TO YOUR CHILDS LESSONS OF LIFE. This will just not do! Try this (make sure it has metal studs for that extra friction!) or even this (a Bible across the back o' the head is ALWAYS healthy) to teach your child a good ol' lesson.

2. Make sure the marks from the Lessons of Life are in places that schoolteachers or social workers can't see them. I suggest the back of the shoulders or the top of the arm. Don't nobody want the authorities all up in their business.

3. Always keep a sock at hand so you can stuff it in your childs mouth if it dares to scream, Don't worry! If it can remember to misbehave it will remember to breathe through its nose.

4. Never feel sorry for that lil scoudrel. Of course they gon' try and...

Thats it. If I gave you anymore you would have to pay.

Yours Sincerely

Frankie F. Baby

P.S. Kelly will be posting on Friday. She rang me and said she's on 6-month probation at Wendy's so she has to focus on work.